A Garden of Hope

Dear good, kind and loving friends,

Today is the twelfth day of my recovery.  If you asked me what has changed over these twelve days, I would tell you that I’ve come to understand my responsibility for my own recovery.  It begins with me taking control of where I want to go next.  Over the weekend I discovered (mind you, this is not necessarily a scientific fact, nor is it likely to be published in a medical journal) that for every one hour of surgery it will require four hours of recovery.  In my case, I had ten hours of surgery so that means I’m forty hours in the hole.  How does one replenish the deficit?  

For example, if every day I’m only given forty minutes of energy to do all the things I need to do, I would never get out of my trouble.  Given the fact that I have no choice but to use those forty minutes to care for myself there’s no way to find time to make up for my ‘recovery debt’.  That’s why I’ve been thinking of a way to start a ‘bank’ (did I tell you I work in the world of finance?).  So I’ve come to the conclusion that every twenty minutes of expenditure has to be followed by twenty minutes of depository.  So, all day long I collect your prayers, your well wishes, and all the gratitude I have for the wonderful people in my life — that way, when it comes time to make my deposit, I have something available to start paying down the debt.  If it weren’t for all of YOUR energies, my repository would remain depleted.

This also alows me to give back to all of you.  My two hundred and fifty six prayer list friends give me all the energy I need to keep your intentions in my heart.

On other news, all connections with the tyrannical dictatorship that took over my brain have been severed.  From now on, we are dealing exclusively with the heart, and with what the heart needs.  My heart and I spent the weekend on a ‘clean up expedition’.  Just as so many of our young people join conservation projects and are asked to clean up all the debris and all the obstacles to the natural world, I found myself — last Saturday night — on border cleanup.  My heart and I were able to successfully remove the obstacles that impede a safe journey.   After burying everything that had been in the way, we planted a garden of hope.

By now you’re asking, “Where did she find the hope?”.  The hope came from each of you!  Every piece of hope you’ve sent my way has become a seed for my garden.  My husband has been telling me that he feels the prayers you’ve been making on my behalf as well — he says he feels as if his soul is being bathed in a rolling river of spiritual energy.

I want to remind all of you that two days from now, on Thursday, Paul and I are going to visit my surgeon, Dr. Johnson.  He will explain to us what is up next for me.  We will be able to work out a strategy for dealing with my ‘recovery deficit’ (since Dr. Johnson is an actual doctor with an actual MD, he might choose to use some other expression).  Your acknowledgment of me, and my family, and my daughter is what will grow my garden of hope — and I need lots of hope for Thursday.  I can’t ask you enough for your prayers — prayers for good news and prayers for courage to meet the challenges I’m going to face.

Do not doubt for one second that your participatiion and involvement is making a difference in my life.  I love you all.

Pamela

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About pamvbradford

I am a fifty seven year old banker specializing in government banking. I have a beautiful twenty-one year old daughter and a wonderful husband. My husband and I recently downsized, and purchased a beautiful condo in Watertown MA. We love our new home. I know I am a very fortunate person. I am surrounded by supportive family members, by supportive coworkers and by the marvelous support of our faith community at Sacred Heart Parish in Lexington MA. As the Psalm says, "There is nothing that I lack." My whole life changed on July 18, 2012 when I was diagnosed with a brain tumor. The news came from out of the blue. My tumor was removed by the marvelous Dr. Mark Johnson and his wonderful team of surgeons at the Brigham and Women's Hospital in Boston. The surgery truly was a miracle. I couldn't possibly have gotten better care. Now the 'easy' part is over. The tough part is to learn to walk with God in the midst of danger and surprise. My mood shifts from gratitude to fear and back again but I know God has a purpose for me. There's a reason I didn't die on the operating table. There's something that God wants me to do. This blog is my effort to share with others, with all of you, what it is that I am learning as I put one foot ahead of the other, live each day as it comes, and discover what it is that God has to teach me. Your prayers keep me going. Your love comforts me. Your knowledge and faith guide and teach me. God bless you all!
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3 Responses to A Garden of Hope

  1. Kathleen Flett says:

    Pam, please know that everyone in our family is praying daily for your complete recovery. Terry told me to tell you that she doesn’t do computers, but she loves you very much and she and her family and your brother Junior have you always in their prayers. I know very well how wonderful all the prayers of those who love you can lift you up. I know that you can feel this “special energy.” I’m so glad that you are taking time to stop and feel the love that is being sent your way. We will offer special prayers tomorrow for a good report from Pathology. Love you,
    Kathy Flett

  2. dear pammy,you are in our prayers..praying for an exceptional good visit tomorrow at your appt..huge prayers to you!!!! love lori and pat xo…

  3. Deb Wishner says:

    Pam,

    Scooby, Bella, Maurya, and I are sending you love, positive energy, prayers, and lots of seeds for your garden of hope every day. Know that we have some idea of what you face and that we are with you in spirit. We are hoping for good news for you and know that you have the strength and courage as well as the deep wellsprings of love and support to do whatever you need to return to robust, great health! If you need anything, including a doggie visit at any point, have Paul or Liqa let us know.

    Love,
    Deb

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