Hold The Phone!

Dear Friends,

As we were driving along the Mass Pike on Friday, on our way to our ‘Romantic Getaway’ weekend in Old Saybrook, we got an e-mail from Jenn, my Nurse Practitioner.  She had been talking to Dr. Lee and to Dr. Johnson and they decided to give me a reprieve.  Plans for surgery have been put on hold until February 28 at least.   That’s the date I’m scheduled for my next MRI.  Depending on what is revealed, I may or may not have to get an operation.

God is good!  In a single moment my anxiety and worry was transformed into hope and optimism.

Allow me to quote a comment I read on the February 1st reflection of Jesus Calling by Sarah Young, which I read faithfully every morning:

You see huge mountains looming, and you start wondering how you’re going to scale those heights.  Meanwhile, because you’re not looking where you’re going, you stumble on the easy path where I am leading you now.  As I help you get back on your feet, you tell Me how worried you are about the cliffs up ahead; but you don’t know what will happen today, much less tomorrow.  Our path may take an abrupt turn leading you away from those mountains.  There may be an easier way up the mountains than is visible from this distance.  If I do lead you up the cliffs, I will equip you thoroughly for that strenuous climb.  I will even give you My angels charge over you, to preserve you in all your ways (Ps 91, 11).

Keep your mind on the present journey, enjoying My Presence. Walk by faith, not by sight (2 Cor 5, 7) , trusting Me to open up the way before you.

God has promised that He will never leave me alone and on my own.  I’ve always known this, but I haven’t always believed it.  Sometimes, even now, it’s a hard thing for me to believe.  God’s promise always comes as a surprise to me; but His voice is strongest when my faith is weakest.  People are always asking me how I ‘manage’.  I don’t feel as if I’m managing anything.  God’s the one who’s in charge.  You could think of cancer as a curse, and it is in some ways.  It’s a horrible, horrible deadly disease.  Just the same, though, I don’t feel cursed.  I feel blessed.  God bestows so many blessings on me!

No one told me the road was going to be easy, but every day I receive a new gift of love.  Little by little I’ve learned to stop thinking about the ‘whole journey’ and, instead, to think of the ‘next step’.  Today is the day the LORD has made, let us rejoice and be glad!  (Ps 118, 24)

Every day is a blessing; but I believe that — along with the blessing — there is a responsibility.  I have to commit myself to show love to others.  It’s not enough to simply feel love.  I have to show it.  God is making use of the cracks in my broken body and my broken life to shine His light on others.  I’ve got to show love — and I’ve got to do the right thing.  Along with the faith that I’m not alone comes the realization that I’m not living for myself alone.  God wants His love to flow through me in order to touch others — perhaps to touch you as well.

I’m always reminding myself to be thankful for my blessings.  One of my many blessings through all of this is the blessing of a new little sister.  Terri, you know I’m talking about you!  Technically she’s my ‘in-law’ and I really am blessed with marvelous in-laws; but Terri is a fellow cancer warrior, and she never tires of keeping my hopes afloat when things get dark for me.  It’s too little to call her a sister-in-law.  She really and truly is my sister and I love her so much.  What a wonderful gift!  Want just one example of what a super sister she is?  She and her husband Bob (my husband’s brother) called the resort in Old Saybrook on Friday, ahead of our arrival, and arranged to have champagne and cheese waiting for us on the start of our vacation.  Paul says I cry all the time, and I cried when I read their card, but my tears were tears of joy!

Paul kept his promise to gave me a kick-ass vacation.  For two days we were able to leave behind our anxieties and relax.  Relax, and be pampered, and laugh, and be grateful for all the good in our lives.  God is good!

That’s it for now, except to ask you all for your prayers and to thank you for all the prayers you’ve made already.  Right now the idea of surgery is like the “looming huge mountains” I read about in the reflection; but I don’t have to climb a mountain.  I just have to climb into God’s lap!  Thank you all for your support.  You truly are God’s gift to me — I’m so blessed by each and every one of you.

Thank You…

Love, love, love,



About pamvbradford

I am a fifty seven year old banker specializing in government banking. I have a beautiful twenty-one year old daughter and a wonderful husband. My husband and I recently downsized, and purchased a beautiful condo in Watertown MA. We love our new home. I know I am a very fortunate person. I am surrounded by supportive family members, by supportive coworkers and by the marvelous support of our faith community at Sacred Heart Parish in Lexington MA. As the Psalm says, "There is nothing that I lack." My whole life changed on July 18, 2012 when I was diagnosed with a brain tumor. The news came from out of the blue. My tumor was removed by the marvelous Dr. Mark Johnson and his wonderful team of surgeons at the Brigham and Women's Hospital in Boston. The surgery truly was a miracle. I couldn't possibly have gotten better care. Now the 'easy' part is over. The tough part is to learn to walk with God in the midst of danger and surprise. My mood shifts from gratitude to fear and back again but I know God has a purpose for me. There's a reason I didn't die on the operating table. There's something that God wants me to do. This blog is my effort to share with others, with all of you, what it is that I am learning as I put one foot ahead of the other, live each day as it comes, and discover what it is that God has to teach me. Your prayers keep me going. Your love comforts me. Your knowledge and faith guide and teach me. God bless you all!
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7 Responses to Hold The Phone!

  1. Maria O'Brien Hylton says:

    So glad the getaway was wonderful! Lots of prayers and good wishes for what comes next!

  2. Jill Tapper says:

    Whatever comes next, whenever, remember that we are with you (Jesus does not have an exclusive on that) – and your brain may have a bit of work on it, but neither your body nor your life are broken. They are where you are right now.
    We’ll cross this bridge when we get to it. We tell our kids that all the time, now we have to remember that it applies to us too.
    Love you so much,

  3. Mary Ellen says:

    I have to say, it is wonderful to have the world know what I’ve enjoyed for years: My Wonderful Brothers have Wonderful Wives–so I have Wonderful Sisters (skip the “in law” bit). God Bless you Pammy. You do such a wonderful job shining the light on awesomeness!
    xoxoxo your sistah Mary Ellen
    PS the adjective was chosen to honor our *Wonderful* Mother!

  4. Jaye's Brain says:

    Thanks for the update! It made me think of Romans 8:28 (29)
    In my thoughts and prayers, Jaye

  5. Billy says:

    God bless you, Pam!

  6. Thomas says:

    Praise God for the reprieve and a kick-ass, champagne and laughter filled weekend.
    Peace, Thomas.

  7. Maurya and Deb says:

    Dear Pam (and Paul and Liqa) –

    Just want you all to know that we are following and being constantly inspired by your faith and courage on this amazing, incredibly challenging journey; thank you so much for sharing it with us. We are sending much love and many prayers your way.
    Maurya, Deb, Scooby and Bella

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