Pam wrote such an amazing post a couple of days ago that I honestly thought it would draw thousands, even scores of thousands of hits. I mean, how often does anyone get the chance to read such heartbreakingly tender testimony to a daughter from a mother approaching the inevitable end to a terminal illness?
I’m thinking it was the ultimate expression of maternal love — but then again, I’m hardly a disinterested party.
Truth be told, the post drew only about a quarter or a possibly a third of the interest generated by the posts people actually found intriguing. I expected the post would go viral and generate five to ten times the traffic that any of her earlier check-ins were able to provoke.
What difference does it make? Why should I care? Perhaps the explanation is this: I’m no stronger and no better than any human being — in other words, I’m powerless in the face of death. A powerless man grabs at straws. It doesn’t do any good, of course, but it’s human nature. There’s no way I can keep Pam with me, so I want the loss of her to mean something.
Maybe — and please forgive my foolishness — the courage my wife has shown throughout this ordeal might serve as some sort of testimony. “Testimony to what?”, you ask. Well, it’s obviously a response to my shock and my grief, but I imagine — or hope — or want to pretend — that I might pull some sort of cold comfort out of the thought that Pamela’s descent into death will teach others how to live. Perhaps it might teach you how to live.
Life is so sweet. Life is so precious. What a tragedy it is to decline any chance to savor the very marvel of it!
Here’s the truth of it: Pam doesn’t act like somebody who’s dying. She acts as one who is living — living intensely. The fire in her, the fire that has always burned brightly, is hotter now than it has ever been. The fire will go out, of course, anyone can see that; but Pam is determined to see that it gives light as long as it possibly can — gives light to anyone who steps in her direction.
Love. Joy. Gratitude. Wonder. Life. That’s what it’s about. That’s the light of truth shining in my wife — today and every day. Can you blame me for wanting to set her lamp upon the very highest of lamp stands?
Love to you all,